Monday, June 23, 2008

You're Safer in California

Maybe the part about being ejected, run over, smashed, beheaded or eviscerated in an accident is below the edge of the window frame.


D said...

It's obvious at furst glance that Dorothy Parker didn't live in California:

Razors pain you;
Rivers are damp;
Acids stain you;
And drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren't lawful;
Nooses give;
Gas smells awful;
You might as well live.

The_Scum said...

Who is Dorothy Parker?

In my travels I have noticed huge highway signs threatening fines of up to $2000 for littering in Nevada but only $1000 fines in California.

So if your car is going to fly apart, or rend your body parts assunder so that you could be fined for's potentially cheaper to have it happen in California.

Who is this d furster? The furstiness in him is strong.

When will the government's (local and federal) and the courts figure out it is STUPIDITY that kills and labels and warnings don't help solve that?

As a previous boss of mine once stated....

Stupidity is often fatal in nature.

Naturally yours,
Slakable Scummy

D said...

Dorothy Parker stays in Baltimore; she contributes to blogs now and again but lately keeps a low profile.

Stupidity should be a way of culling the herd, as would myopia. But "civilization" protects both the dim sighted and the dim witted from the rigors of evolutionary competition.

I can wear glasses to compensate for my eyesight, but there doesn't seem to be an effective tool to raise intelligence much above room temperature so we reduce and simplify, coddle and pamper, removing sharp edges and complicated operating instructions until nearly everything is a dull, simple rounded blob.

Dumbth seems to be a powerful force.

D said...

Scum - the furst is strong within me because my heart is pure. I also live in a different time zone and spend an unhealthy amount of the day working online.

LaVida Vegas is an antidote to the work-a-day slog, the Sisyphean toil that passes for my life.

The_Scum said...

Room temperature measured in Celsius?

Below is from Cheers with Cliff Claven explaining to Norm...offered in response to d's dumbth diatribe

'Well you see, Norm, it's like this . . . A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. When the heard is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.

In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Now, as we know, excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. And that, Norm, is why you always feel smarter after a few beers.'

I should have put this on my blog...ha ha ahahhh...maybe I will.

Lavi D. said...

Dumbth seems to be a powerful force.

May The Dumbth be without you

D said...

"May The Dumbth be without you"

Or contrawise, upon witnessing some particularly egregious event: "Verily, the Dumbth flows mightily in him"

Anonymous said...

My favorite from the state of Kalifonia is a warning on a bag of play sand - the kind you put in a kids sandbox. It reads "Known to the state of California to cause cancer."

I'm suprised the state doesn't print warnings about drowning on the bottled water.


Lavi D. said...


"In Greek mythology, Cassandra (Greek: Κασσάνδρα "she who entangles women"[1]) (also known as Alexandra) was the daughter of King Priam and Queen Hecuba of Troy.

Her beauty caused Apollo to grant her the gift of prophecy (or, more incorrectly, prescience).

However, when she did not return his love, Apollo placed a curse on her so that no one would ever believe her predictions."


The_Scum said...


June 26, 2008 10:11 AM"

Fresh Meat. Hen Meat even.

Not as eloquent as our host Lavi yet just as succinct.

Every now and then when your life gets complicated and the weasels start closing in, the only cure is to load up on heinous chemicals and then drive like a bastard from Hollywood to Las Vegas ... with the music at top volume and at least a pint of ether.

-Hunter S. Thompson

Dedicated to the other side of Las Vegas, namely; the sprawling, mad, incoherent underpinnings of the world's favorite destination.

That, and the occasional ranting about nothing in particular.