Poor Maggie

Maggie had to resort to prostitution after getting kicked out of truck driving school for being unable to comprehend the difference between "Backwards" and "Forwards"

Get Back Jack

Back where you belong...

Paging Dr. Beer

Dude?

To Make Bigger

Go ahead. Click the button. I dare ya.

Modern Solutions

The Hits Keep Coming

What's next?

Crack Cleaners?

Meth Maids?

Heroin Housecleaning?

Mannah From the Mailbox

Whew!   Just when the wolves were closing in.   You're a blogger and one of your three or four regular readers has called you out on your inability to post consistently for more than a week at a time - which is a fair accusation; consistency is the hallmark of blogging (as well as the hallmark of a good bowel movement, but I digest digress) - and then the Post Office rides to your rescue with an incredible gem of unfortunate front-page layout.   Ahh, public services.



I haven't even opened this rag.   I pulled it out of the box, saw the cover and knew I had to snap a shot.   If there's anything even remotely as ridiculous inside, you can bet your browser it's going to show up here in the next day or two.   Anything to save me from actually having to work for laughs.

Freeworthy

• If you can criticize your government...

...you might live in a free country

• If you can remove public officials when they misbehave...

...you might live in a free country

• If you are considered innocent until proven guilty...

...you might live in a free country

• If you have a right to be tried by a jury of your peers...

...you might live in a free country

• If you can do whatever you want with your body - take drugs, get tattoos, abort fetuses, commit suicide...

...you might live in a free country

• If you have a say in what laws are passed and taxes collected...

...you might live in a free country

• If you can worship whatever god you like, or none at all...

...you might live in a free country

• If you can have consensual sex with and marry any other adult...

...you might live in a free country

• If your government makes laws and fights wars only to aid and protect its citizens...

...you might live in a free country

• If you can publicly mutilate or destroy your own property - flags, crosses, books, pictures...

...you might live in a free country

• If you can travel throughout the land without showing "papers"...
  

...you might live in a free country

• If you can post this on your website without going to jail...

...you might live in a free country

One Funny SOB

I am awestruck by this blog.

I only wish I could be as soul-crushingly funny. There is something life-affirming about truly misanthropic humor.


(Click on the above sleep-porn image for an hilarious review of parking-lot carnivals)

(Thanks to Scum for the term sleep-porn)

Update: I have been informed by the ever-helpful scum that there is a heapin' helpin' of pop-up ads and humping .GIFs on the above-linked site.   As I explained to him, I am using Firefox and have accumulated a long list of ad-blocked URLs.   Therefore, my view of a page may be quite a bit different than someone else's without the same mix of ad-blocks.   YMMV in other words, and sorry if the link is annoying - I didn't see any of that crap when I first visited it, or I would've warned you about it.

How the world has changed.   This is so not like if I were to call you and scream, "Turn on channel nine right now!"   In the past, you would most likely see the same thing I was hysterical about.   No more, mon frere.

Dancing with the Star(Fish)

My friend Dave, for some reason, posited that the indian girl who had her extra limbs removed somehow missed out on two fantastic opportunities.   The first, that she would be honored as the goddess Durga.   The second opportunity - I guess - was that she could appear on a television show titled "Dancing with the Starfish".   Why this would work, I honestly don't know, because starfish have five uh, appendages and if you count the top one as a "head" then, they have two arms and legs just like humans.

However, not being one to question Dave's manic strokes of genius, I whipped up this entirely rude, non-pc illustration.

Make of it what you will.

Stop the Asses

...er, presses.

Just a newsrack outside the neighborhood mall, right?



Take a closer look.



"Get back in the car Junior! Now!"

Peep Show

Sweet Colored Chicks (Coloured if you're one of the Queen's subjects)



Integrated! Naked!



Chick on Chick Action



Threesome!
(I'm getting hot! How about you?)



Orgy!



Strange Pussy!



Bondage & Discipline (Bondage y Disciplina)



Voyeurism



Oh yes! Oh yes! Eat me, big boy!



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