Friday, May 23, 2008

Geriatric in Chief

If elected, John McCain would be the oldest ever first-term president.

Some things to watch out for:

* The turn-signal on Air Force One left on for the entire flight.

* Use of the Secret Service to "get those kids off my lawn!"

* The vice-president would quickly learn not to pull McCain's finger.

* Speeches begun with "In my day..." or "You kids today..."

* Geritol dispensers in the White House cafeteria.

* An open account at Nusbaum's Geriatric Supply and Liver Pill Emporium

* Discarded Depends wrappers littering the Oval Office

* A bicycle horn on the Presidential Walker

* Congressional bills printed in "large type"

* Amplified handset for the "Hot Line"

* Handicap plates on the Presidential Limo

* A "Rascal" ramp out to the East Lawn

* Rotary phones throughout the White House hecause the President "hates those infernal push-button things'

* The return of the Ronald Reagan "Executive Naptime"

* A line of Presidentially endorsed walking sticks called "McCanes"

* McCain giving the state-of-the-union address with food on his chin

* Starting each Cabinet meeting with the latest shots of the grandkids.

* Viagra logo added to the Presidential Seal

* When the President says, "I don't recall" he'll be telling the truth


The_Scum said...

Furst! Back in the saddle!

Fuck McCain...he sold his soul.

Matches our nation.

D said...

Dear Lavi -

This entry is getting a bit "old"
Please make a new one, lest we think that you've gone senile.

vinnymoe said...

Not to mention :

First interview on TV crosses legs to reveal different colored socks
Most responses to questions in the interview begin with "Ah horse shit"
TV remotes in oval office set on Max volume, aids issued ear plugs.
"F'n sissies"
Presidetial briefing becomes very brief "Do What Your Told!"
Sec. of State is consistently rebuffed with the query "Don't You Have Any Normal Friends?"
Again different colored socks are revealed by hitching up belt line to just under man boobs.
The first State of the Union Address is the same speach given at the inaugural wich was identical to his accemptance speach at the republican convention.
Close-up shots during speach are forbidden by handlers because of booger hanging off nose hairs.
Air Force One security detail frustrated by POTUS's insistence that he "Does't need your f'n help out the f'n door or down the f'n stairs you f'n punks godammit! I was kill'in gooks when you were knockin' back breast milk.Sons o' biitches"

vinnymoe said...

I'm with you Scum,he is from my state, I've watched his voting record.
But again, Anyone but the commies!
Am I a raceist for rejecting a vacuous, Marxist pretender?
Am I sexist for rejecting an eaqually vacuous as well as pretentious,presumptuous Marxist bitch?

A choice,None of them happy.

The_Scum said...

So how about those Celtics!

Lavi D. said...

So how about those Celtics!


Every now and then when your life gets complicated and the weasels start closing in, the only cure is to load up on heinous chemicals and then drive like a bastard from Hollywood to Las Vegas ... with the music at top volume and at least a pint of ether.

-Hunter S. Thompson

Dedicated to the other side of Las Vegas, namely; the sprawling, mad, incoherent underpinnings of the world's favorite destination.

That, and the occasional ranting about nothing in particular.