Thursday, June 12, 2008

President Mashup

I gotta tell ya, the reason I'm gonna vote for Hillary Hussein McCain is because it's a mashup.

And, as everyone knows, mashups are the groove. They really are, so we need a mashup for president.

As president, President Mashup will:

  • Eat tofu out of black-market elephant tusks
  • Preside over the gay marriage of Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid
  • Force the next Supreme Court nominee to perform an abortion
  • Promise to subsidize the production of ethanol from American flags
  • Give the children of unwed mothers to illegal immigrants
  • Move on to Gitmo in a swift-boat
  • Encourage christian gang warfare
  • Order the immediate nuclear anhiliation of any country which accuses the U.S. of being violent.
  • Outsource the Amber Alert system to Catholic priests
  • Fund research for turning Republicans directly into greenhouse gases.
  • Fund research into making crude oil from homeless people
  • Take out a sub-prime loan on the White House to fund universal health care
  • Copyright the Constitution and then sue anyone who enjoys freedom without permission
  • Legalize drugs and use the tax proceeds to build prisons for people who insist on watching American Idol sober.
  • Use polar bears as draft animals in replanting the Amazon rain forests.
  • Add a suicide-bomb squad to the Peace Corps
  • Give a federal grant to Jesus to promote the Temple Money-Changers Association


D said...

He's Alive! Hooray!

The_Scum said...


Welcome back.

Black Heart Candle said...

I can see you've been slacking!

Please, enlighten me with your wit and wisdom.

D said...

Lavi's been busy, not slacking.
You'll have to pry loose the personal details yourself, but it's for a good cause.

And re: the presidential mash-up, I'm tempted to side with Jim Hightower: if they wanted us to vote, they'd give us candidates. And until the Prince of Venality occupied the office, I thought that they were all pretty much the same: covetous power grubbing bottom feeders compelled to reward their masters and cronies but pretty much harmless thanks to the checks and balances (tm) of the other two Branches.

I was wrong.

Unfortunately the Correction, as with the stock or housing market, will be brutal and expensive.

It will be worse if it's delayed.

Lavi D. said...

Unfortunately the Correction, as with the stock or housing market, will be brutal and expensive.

Whew! That is an incredibly precise analogy.

Every now and then when your life gets complicated and the weasels start closing in, the only cure is to load up on heinous chemicals and then drive like a bastard from Hollywood to Las Vegas ... with the music at top volume and at least a pint of ether.

-Hunter S. Thompson

Dedicated to the other side of Las Vegas, namely; the sprawling, mad, incoherent underpinnings of the world's favorite destination.

That, and the occasional ranting about nothing in particular.