I went for a colonoscopy today. The prep the day before is definitely more
adventurous, however.
Especially for guys. First you don't eat all day and then you drink about a half
gallon of stuff and then you spend the evening peeing out of your butt.
For women, this may be more geographically local to the way they pee already,
but for guys, used to peeing through a tube, this is a big departure.
I got a colonoscopy because I believe the propaganda which insists that
colonoscopies are a great way to avoid colon cancer. As I was peeing out my
butt, I got to thinking about how terrible colon cancer is. But then I got to
thinking that most cancers are pretty terrible. There really isn't a peferable
cancer. Lung, liver, esophagus, stomach, throat - they seem to all end up
messing with your digestion.
Probably the best cancer to have would be a malignant brain tumor that gave you
virtuoso piano skills and instant, on-demand erections.
Or maybe earlobe cancer. Can you get earlobe cancer? Because then, if the
chemo and the radiation don't work, you can just have them clip off your
earlobes and start wearing your hair long.
11 comments:
Mortality causes:
1) Heart disease
2) Cancer
3) Stroke
Malignant Neoplasms are further divided by mortality:
2a) lung cancer - stop smoking
2b) prostate cancer - test=PSA
2c) colorectal cancer - colonscopy
So you've stopped death.
Let me be furst to say "congratulations" but I'll wait a bit to shake your hand...
Actually if you have a prostate you'll eventually get prostate cancer - PSA and the ever popular DRE provides a bit of early detection.
Now you just gotta start working on the sacrificial earlobe cancer
After earlobes I would say cancer on anything that can be removed and lived without. Like say ovaries...although I was very VERY lucky and once all the parts I did not want anymore were removed, it was found to be benign. YaY me! No deadly cancer and no more girly parts to interfere with fun.
oops. No more girly parts that CAN interfere with fun. I have all the fun bits. ;)
Dear Rock - Some might say that an oophorectomy makes you *more* fun.
Bonus:
I am all cleaned out for T-Day!
Who needs Jenny Craig when you have the Lavi HalfLytely diet!
And you can drink clear liquids -- like beer!! (your MD did tell you that, eh?)
wow D knows the actual medical term. *swoon* I love a guy that talks medical jargon!
You neglected to mention, that this wonderful beverage comes with several different flavor packs. Amongst those flavors available: bad and worse.
Please do not inquire as to how I know this.
Cassandra
And you can drink clear liquids -- like beer!!
I decided that getting drunk was probably not the smartest idea in a situation where alacrity and awareness are required to avoid a possible environmental disaster.
...this wonderful beverage comes with several different flavor packs.
I saw no flavor packs. Have I have been unfairly discriminated against?
Lavi spake:
I decided that getting drunk was probably not the smartest idea in a situation where alacrity and awareness are required to avoid a possible environmental disaster.
a) drinking beer needn't *always* lead directly to getting drunk. It is possible to stop before downing a case of Pabst.
...this wonderful beverage comes with several different flavor packs.
I saw no flavor packs. Have I have been unfairly discriminated against?
b) probably yes - they thought you were drunk
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