Friday, August 31, 2007

Blow Hole

Nothing says "Loser" like a large exhaust pipe on a shitty car.   Well, except maybe a large exhaust pipe on a shitty four-cylinder car.

It is tempting to equate the oversize pipe with an inadequacy that the owner might be feeling with his personal "plumbing".

Someone needs to tell these stooges that loud noises don't make the car go faster.   If you want to be fast, get something with 8 cylinders and two - count 'em - two, regular-sized exhaust pipes.



The_Scum said...

Kids today can't afford the ground pounding asphalt tearing rubber spitting monster muscle cars of a few decades past.

They do the best they can in a more obnoxious stereo thumping, custom exhaust rice grinding blender on steroids type of way.

While their rides may offend you remember to be them.

They'll probably never know the pure horsepower rush of running a 13 second 1/4 mile ride from one stoplight to the next where you drop the clutch at 7000 rpm shredding tires until you slam it into second and launch the hood 18 inches into the air as the abused smoking tires finally bite into asphalt.

The sound of exhaust roars through Hooker or Blackjack headers and through dual free flowing mufflers dumping out six inches past the muffler and shakes buildings as it clears the tailpipes with a deep resonance and low wave frequency only a hemi or big block gulping in and spewing out huge amounts of air can produce. Catalytic converters either hadn't been invented or were something Mom's new car had.

Horsepower that is felt. Felt by everyone around like an earthquake rumbling underfoot.

Eh, I'm sure the kids of today are okay with the tinny blender like exhaust and the deep oompa loompa oompa loompa sounds thrusting from the stereo.

I once had a car that could burn rubber after you revved it up and dumped the clutch for almost as long as you held your foot down on the throttle .... in third gear.

It had no stereo. It ate a lot of clutch disks.

Racing in the streets. The runs were short and sweet because once you lit that baby off everyone (especially the cops) within a five mile radius felt the vibrations and heard the roar. Wind her up and SHUT HER DOWN.

But the kids today just don't know what they don't know.

Lavi D. said...

That was impassioned and extremely well written.

Sounds like you were there. Closest I came was a '62 Chevy half-ton, short bed with a 327, headers, Edelbrock and Holley four-barrel.

Not a ground pounder, but definitely faster than its four-wheel drum, manual brakes!


vinnymoe said...

It's pretty awe inspiring to have lived in a time when every young man had a birthright to the gut tickling,ear splitting might of the V-8. Never before or again will history see such a uniquly American era.

God Bless Detroit Iron.

The_Scum said...

You would be amazed. Today's cars would eat the 60's and 70's musclecars for lunch and leave a tip.

I'm not sure many people realize that.

Understand also that in the early 70's the way horsepower ratings are calculated was changed. That effectively lowered the 'advertised horsepower' of the very same engine.

So these monsters cranking out 400-500 horsepower today are FAR more powerfulful than their 60's counterpart.

Given all this plus growing older and slower convinced me to sell that asphalt burning bitch. If I want to destroy neighborhoods I'll buy a new one.

Frankly, I was getting a tad old. Maybe in another 10-20 years I'll buy one to drive like a Grandma just because I can.

Every now and then when your life gets complicated and the weasels start closing in, the only cure is to load up on heinous chemicals and then drive like a bastard from Hollywood to Las Vegas ... with the music at top volume and at least a pint of ether.

-Hunter S. Thompson

Dedicated to the other side of Las Vegas, namely; the sprawling, mad, incoherent underpinnings of the world's favorite destination.

That, and the occasional ranting about nothing in particular.